i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
