just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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