Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sober January is a disaster.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
