We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
