Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
