The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
