he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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