well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Congratulations! We have a period
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
