yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
