The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
