Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
