Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Found your dick twin last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
