and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
