ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
