So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
