remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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