u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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