we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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