btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
