I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
