I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
