I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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