I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
