Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
