I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
