i need an iv and a liver transplant
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
