He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
