I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
