kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
