I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
