yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
