I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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