He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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