I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
