Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
