nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
