I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
