LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
