He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
