I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
