: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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