My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize