Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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