just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
