Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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