I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
