he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
