i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
