She is in my trunk
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
