pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
True strength comes from lack of pants
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
