There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize