We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
