Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
