if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
