you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
