it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
