woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
