Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize