She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
