God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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