Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
