Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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