This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
