Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
