Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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