just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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