also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
