the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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