All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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