I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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