Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
