I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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