Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
