If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
