I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
