Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
