Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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