Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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